ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
