my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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