I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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