if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
