If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize