Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
