Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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