Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
