NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
