Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
