Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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