just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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