So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
