The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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