Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
