I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
