Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
