He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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