literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
