so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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