Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
