woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
