pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
