Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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