I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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