If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
