Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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