Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
