She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
