No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
