I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
