So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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