I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
