9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
