Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
