i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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