My friends, they love my intelligence
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
