My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
