You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
