If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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