I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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