Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize