I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
