white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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