pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
