Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
