This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
