that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
