happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
