i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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