I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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