Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
