So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
