Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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