I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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