I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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