I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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