They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
