im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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