If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
