I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
