Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize