I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
