K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
