508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
