My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
