dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
