I'm lost and stupid without you.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
