Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize