dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
