i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize