did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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