My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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