Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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