I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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