i need an iv and a liver transplant
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
