just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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