I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
