i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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