Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
