he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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