Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
