we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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