so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
