my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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