Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
