i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
