I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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