My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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