Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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