why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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