Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
