That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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