Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
