new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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