I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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