How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
