Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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