I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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