saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
