you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
