life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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